Mama Shrink Episode 2 – How To Set Boundaries
Aug 21, 2019
Setting boundaries is not an easy thing to do. I know because I am a people pleaser. I struggle with being assertive and telling people how I feel or think because I don’t want them to dislike or get mad at me. BUT I also know that it is super important for me to set boundaries in my life.
There will almost always be people who take advantage of us or deplete our energy. This is the reason why we need to set boundaries. We want to feel better and not be dragged in by negativity. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. It’s all up to us to set the limit.
I also believe that it’s hard to engage in self-care when we don’t set good boundaries in our life. I could spend weeks talking about this topic. But for today, I’m going to be giving you an overview to, hopefully, help you stop your struggle with setting boundaries in your life.
- [03:11] We need to set boundaries in our life usually from people who take advantage of us and make us feel depleted. If we keep allowing people to do the things they want, they won’t change.
- [05:04] Here are ten benefits of setting boundaries: you will have no more feelings of heaviness (physically and psychologically); you will have increased self-esteem, more time to enjoy your life, and more energy (physically and mentally); you will feel happier and empowered; you will be less stressed and depressed; you will be a good role model to your children; and you will bring in positive people that will enhance your life.
- [06:35] Do this exercise on setting boundaries: think about a person you want to set a boundary with and picture your life 2 years from now if you (1) keep, (2) don’t keep, or (3) set good boundaries with this person in your life.
- [10:58] Learn how to be more assertive when setting boundaries with people. Speak up for yourself. It’s a hard thing to do but with practice, it will become a bit easier.
- [13:13] Assertiveness is a means of self-care that involves communicating honestly with yourself and with another person in a way that takes into account your rights and their rights.
- [21:04] Start setting boundaries by: (1) Wording it as statements so it won’t be put up for negotiation. Someone may negotiate but stick to your statement. (2) Starting to say no and not feeling bad about it. (3) Thinking about this: every time you say yes to something you don’t want to be doing, you are saying no to something else.
- [27:05] Other ways you can create boundaries in your life: turn off your phone ringer, don’t answer the phone if you don’t feel like talking, buy yourself some time, do a gut check, take a break every day, set reasonable hours for yourself, start delegating and asking for help, and stop taking on more than you can handle.
- [33:00] A lot of people in your life, especially if they’re toxic, might not like the boundaries you’re setting and that’s okay. You are not being selfish. Remember, this is your life and if you don’t start doing this for yourself, no one is going to.
- [33:58] Set boundaries with your children because they absolutely need them. They need to know that in the real world they will have boundaries and people are going to say no to them.
- [34:57] Focus on setting a goal for yourself in setting boundaries in your life. It’s difficult to do but it’s important and absolutely life changing.