Episode 21 - Bullying
Dec 19, 2019
Hi Mamas! Welcome back to another podcast episode. Today we are going to talk about Child Bullying. I want to go into 2020 with more positivity.. And this is why I am about tackling this podcast for December.
There is a lot going on with our kids and we have to be okay, as parents, in owning what we need to do for our children. As moms, we need to know what we need to do and what we need to be on the lookout for.
We need to talk to our kids about Bullying and let them know what it means. We also need to talk to them about their feelings, emotions and know what’s going on in their minds. It’s our duty to know and intervene. And this is my goal for this podcast - to help you understand your children and be aware. It’s a really important topic that needs to be talked about.
- [2:50] Everything comes back to parenting. What are we doing at home? We have to be honest with that. We need to look at what’s going on.
- [03:26] In the research that I did for this episode, I chanced upon the talk by Susan Klebold, mother of one of the shooters in Columbine and she said “I wish I listened more than I lectured.” I thought, YES we have to take the time to listen more.
- [03:53] Unfortunately, as boys grow up, they are less likely to share their feelings. So as moms raising boys, we need to be able to pull information out of them. There’s definitely a genetic component but there’s also an environmental component. We have to stop saying “boys will be boys” No. We are their teachers and we have to stop that from happening.
- [04:44] Scarlett Lewis (who lost her son in the Sandy Hook Shootings) created the program called ChooseLove.org which is about creating compassion, forgiveness, understanding, having kids understand their emotions and find ways to deal with them. I encourage anyone who is a parent or educator to this site to learn more about it.
- [06:58] If you have a child who is bullying or you know of a child that is, that’s a huge red flag and it needs to be addressed. We know that people who bully are not happy, they’re struggling, they need help. If your child is engaging in bullying or on the receiving end of bullying, you must get them proper psychological treatment.
- [08:30] 5 big reasons why kids bully: (1) they don’t have a healthy home life, (2) they don’t feel good about themselves, (3) they feel they can gain popularity by scaring and threatening others, (4) they come from homes with a lot of anger, upheaval, fighting, or neglect, (5) they don’t have a lot of empathy for other people.
- [10:59] It’s our job as parents to teach them how to be more empathetic. We should also be aware of what you are modeling for them - are you showing them empathy? We need to teach this to kids at a very young age. Kids learn by what we do more than what we say.
- [12:18] Things you can do to be aware and help your child who may have the tendency to be a bully: (1) stay calm and let your child talk to you. Ask them what’s going on and why they think it’s okay; (2) stay strong in front of your child. Understand instead of lecturing them. (3) get all the facts and talk directly to the other parent; (4) practice with your child how they feel about what they did. If they are bullied, practice with your child how to stay strong.; (5) if your child has been bullied, work with them in increasing their self-esteem; (6) always monitor your child’s social media sites; (7) teach your kid not to be alone with the bully; (8) talk to your child about what they are sharing on social media; (9) make sure they go to therapy; (10) always keep communication open between you and your child; (11) engage your child in activities; (12) find people they admire and tell them stories about how they overcame problems in their life or being bullied - that could be really powerful.
- [19:25] Kids are very susceptible to being bullied and we are their teachers. As parents, we have to help our kids who are being bullied or the receiver of a bully. We have to address it and not push it under the rug. When kids are engaging in this stuff, it is a big deal. You have to be the one to talk to them that it’s not okay.